Is the Term 'Daddy' Now Just a State of Mind?
What defines an actual "daddy" in the gay community now? Is it one's biological age? The type of behavior one exhibits when out and about or in the bedroom? A look that makes one want to submit to him more than my cubby self diving into a big burrito?
Terms in the gay community can have a way of flipping on themselves depending on a ton of factors. Gone are the days where the labels equate exactly to one of two things: age and look. Now, terms are used much more freely and have more room to breathe.
Apps are a big way to view just how different terms like these have become. Apps like Scruff, Grindr and Growlr (or as I refer to them as, the "Goldilocks" of gay apps), have options where you can identify as anything from a cisgender man all the way to a fisting bottom and everything in between. "Daddy" is a label/option used on all of them, yet many profiles that have this option clicked off show pics of men that don't give off that "Christoper Meloni in OZ" type of look. It may be a stereotypical man to think of, but when you peruse gay porn going all the way back to the 70's, you will find that the ones labeled "daddy" generally have that type of look. So what has shifted here?
I asked friends on social media as well some of the guys on these apps who don't necessarily "fit" the traditional daddy type why they consider themselves as so. The responses were quite diverse, interesting, and will make you think differently about this term (or any, quite frankly) moving forward.
"I consider myself a daddy because I equate daddy with the word "top". As I'm a total top, there is a definite power feeling I get when I'm with another man in bed. They know that I'm in control, ergo... I'm the daddy."
"I may not look like the stereotypical daddy that is out there, however I am trying to see myself as one given that for many years of my life I've been considered submissive due to how I look. Some have enjoyed seeing me in the "daddy" position as of late, and others have gotten confused by it as they are simply assuming I'm just going to be passive. Assuming gets you nowhere."
"I take on the daddy role primarily because of how big I am in the "package" department. It's amazing the kind of power you can wield when you have a larger than normal d**k, and that sort of thing can bring on the daddy mentality in ways you didn't know it could before."
The variance of the application of the 'daddy' label application is very visible everywhere you look. Maybe this is a good thing? Blurring the lines of labels until the are no more? But what if some of us gravitate toward that label since that is what we like? One example of gravitating and blurring can be seen in some big gay social events. For instance, Bear Week in Provincetown has seen an onslaught of twinks and non-hairy muscle guys which is a huge change from when it began. This also goes with a lot of bars across the country that used to cater towards one type of guy but have opened their doors to many others. Times are changing indeed.
What do you think defines a true daddy in today's gay society?
This article was created by one of Instinct Magazine's writers and doesn't reflect the publication as a whole.